ACT TWO
SCENE K FADE IN: INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS ACTION (ELLEN AND SARAH ARE THERE) SARAH He left without me! ELLEN He’s allowed, Sarah. He has no obligation to us. SARAH But I asked him nicely, didn’t I? ELLEN Of course you did. SARAH Then what’s wrong with him? ELLEN I think maybe after all of those glowing reports we’d heard from the Pembrokes, we expected something more than just a regular nice guy. SARAH Well I think even just a regular nice guy would’ve let me come with him. ELLEN Take a thirteen-year-old tagging along on his date? I don’t think so. SARAH Look, Mom, I’ve got this twisted sister who’s got me tangled up in one of her I Love Lucy schemes and I don’t know how to meet new people and I’m going to make a fool out of myself in front of boys and why does this happen if I’m such a good student? ELLEN Well, because this isn’t school, honey. This is life. SARAH Then what’s school supposed to prepare you for? ELLEN College. SARAH Well, if Mr. Charles College Man is as good at life as the Pembrokes say, then I don’t think he should’ve left me here to fail it! (SUDDENLY FROM OUTSIDE WE HEAR:) BUDDY (O.S.) No! Charles! Charles! No! (THE FRONT DOOR OPENS AND CHARLES ENTERS) BUDDY (O.S.) Oh, Charles. Geez! (CHARLES MOTIONS FOR SARAH TO COME WITH HIM. SARAH MOVES TO THE FRONT DOOR) SARAH (TO ELLEN) Okay, so the jury’s still out on him…. (SARAH EXITS AFTER CHARLES. WE HOLD ON THE DOOR. SUDDENLY IT REOPENS. CHARLES, BUDDY, AND SARAH ARE BACKED INTO THE HOUSE BY WALTER) WALTER And just where in the wide world do you think you’re shanghaiing my little granddaughter!? ELLEN It’s okay, Dad. This is the young man that the Pembrokes have told us so much about. (TO CHARLES AND BUDDY) Walter Powell. My father-in-law. WALTER United States Navy. Retired. (WALTER OFFERS HIS HAND) So, you’re the famous Charles, huh? CHARLES Famous, sir? WALTER You kidding? Those Pembrokes went on about you like you were Admiral Rickover! BUDDY Who? WALTER (TO CHARLES) This a friend of yours? CHARLES Yes, sir. Buddy Lembeck. WALTER And how is it, Mr. Lomcrock, that you are not acquainted with the infrastructure of the military? BUDDY Look. It’s all I can do to meet women. WALTER I find it shameful that young people have no sense of their armed forces. BUDDY I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have no sense of — WALTER Name one famous victory! BUDDY Mary Louise Krinsky. (SMILES SLYLY) War is hell, isn’t it? WALTER (INCESTED) I do not want my granddaughter in the company of these two college deferments! CHARLES Sir, Sarah was not drafted to go on this mission, she enlisted. Now, it will be our pleasure to show her a bit of her new town and to buy her a piece of pizza. WALTER I am very well capable of showing my granddaughter around myself, plus I am not sure that you are showing the proper respect for your employer! CHARLES You’re not my employer, sir. I’m just doing a favor for a new friend. Otherwise I’m not involved. (CHARLES OPENS THE DOOR AND EXITS WITH SARAH AND BUDDY) WALTER Ellen?? ELLEN You heard him Dad, he’s not involved. (ELLEN EXITS INTO THE KITCHEN) WALTER Ellen?! Sarah?! (ON A FLUSTERED WALTER, WE:)DISSOLVE TO:
SCENE L INT. SID’S PIZZA – THAT AFTERNOON (SID, PATTI AND HEIDI ARE THERE. CHARLES, BUDDY AND SARAH ENTER) BUDDY I’ll go see if the girls have gotten here, yet! (CALLING TO SID) Hey, Sid! SID Hey, Buddy! (NOTICES CHARLES) Charles! CHARLES Sid, I’ll make you a deal! I owe you money, right? SID Right. CHARLES Well, if you make us a pizza then I’ll owe you more money! How’s that? SID Charles! You’d do that for me? CHARLES (ACKNOWLEDGING SID) C’mon, Sid. Don’t think of it as free food for me, think of it as an investment in the next generation of pizza eaters. SID Done. (TO SARAH) But only because he’s finally begun to keep classy company! (SID EXITS O.C. CHARLES AND SARAH CROSS TO THE JUKE BOX) SARAH How do you plan on acting with these girls, Charles? CHARLES (TO SARAH) Like myself. The main thing about meeting new people is just being yourself. SARAH Jamie says just being myself is what keeps me from being popular. CHARLES Do you believe that? SARAH No, I think when it comes to girls meeting boys, whoever’s the least nervous, wins. CHARLES How long’ve you been so smart? SARAH I don’t know, but up to now it’s done me no good. BUDDY Charles! (BUDDY PICKS UP MEGAPHONE AND WHISPERS) Over here! (CHARLES AND SARAH HEAD FOR THE TABLE) SARAH What are you going to say to them? How do you say hello? How are you going to pace yourself? CHARLES Conversation usually finds its own pace. (ARRIVING AT THE TABLE) Hello. (THE GIRLS LOOK AT CHARLES AND SMILE AGGRESSIVELY) PATTI Hello yourself, gorgeous! HEIDI (WHISTLES) You are beautiful! What lips! CHARLES (TO SARAH) This, for instance, looks like it’s going to be a fast-paced conversation…. (SID ENTERS) SID Hey, Charles. Remember what I said about classy company! (SID EXITS) BUDDY Charles, that’s Patti. This is Heidi. Girls, Charles. CHARLES Hi. This is my friend, Sarah. PATTI (TO SARAH) And how did you manage to make such a great-looking friend? SARAH I moved. PATTI That’s the only way! Nothing comes to those who sit like lumps! Gotta move, I always say. (PATTI PUTS HER ARM AROUND CHARLES AND SMILES AT HIM) How are ya? CHARLES (TO SARAH) Okay. So, I think it’s quite clear that we’ve moved beyond the nervous stage…. (CHARLES SMILES AT THE GIRLS, AS WE:)CUT TO:
SCENE M INT. KITCHEN – LATER THAT SAME DAY (ELLEN MAKES DINNER WHILE WALTER BLUSTERS AROUND THE ROOM) WALTER And just what did he mean when he said I wasn’t his employer? ELLEN He means he hasn’t decided whether he wants to be employed or not, Dad. WALTER Well, there’d be no decision for him to make if you’d quit working and raise your children. ELLEN I like working. And my children have been raised very well up to now, wouldn’t you say? (JAMIE ENTERS FROM THE LIVING ROOM) JAMIE How do I look? ELLEN Wash your face and burn those clothes. JAMIE Too much rouge? ELLEN Now! (JAMIE EXITS) Okay, so she bought one outfit while I wasn’t looking. WALTER I understand, Ellen. With a husband stationed in the South Seas, it’s difficult for one parent to be on the lookout all the time. ELLEN Thank you, Dad. That’s why we need someone like Charles. WALTER Which is why I’ve decided to quit my job at Camp Kilmer Surplus, and raise the children myself. ELLEN (STARTLED) No! (RECOVERS) I mean, no. It’s very generous, but I don’t think I want children raised in a strict military upbringing, tanks…Thanks. WALTER (ACCUSATORY) You like this Charles character, don’t you? ELLEN I think Sarah likes him, and I trust her judgement. Yes. I think Charles would be a good influence! (AND WE:)CUT TO:
SCENE N INT. SID’S PIZZA – CONTINUOUS ACTION (CHARLES IS BEING FED PIZZA BY PATTI AS SARAH, BUDDY AND HEIDI LOOK ON) CHARLES You see, Sarah? Meeting new people can be a rewarding social experience…. SARAH (TO PATTI AND HEIDI) Do you mind if I ask you girls something? HEIDI Fire away. SARAH Are you being yourselves? PATTI What do you mean? SARAH I mean, have you always been like you are? HEIDI Ever since I was your age. PATTI Not me. When I was your age, you know what I was? SARAH Brunette? PATTI Mousy brown! And I used to wear glasses and read poetry books! Can you believe it? SARAH Well, how’d you get to be so…so — PATTI Blonde? At the sorority. Where I met Heidi. We became sisters. HEIDI I took her under my wing. SARAH (TO PATTI) Do you still read poetry? PATTI Limericks sometimes. BUDDY Yeah? Let’s hear one. PATTI ‘There was a young girl from Decataur….’ SARAH Charles? CHARLES I’ll take you home. (AS CHARLES MAKES A MOVE TO EXIT WITH SARAH, WE:)DISSOLVE TO:
SCENE P INT. LIVING ROOM – THAT EVENING (JAMIE PACES. ADAM PLAYS WITH TOYS. CHARLES, BUDDY AND SARAH ENTER THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR) JAMIE It is about time! I don’t even know if the Morgan boys are still waiting, even for me! Let’s go! SARAH (SITS ON THE COUCH) I’m not meeting any boys. JAMIE What are you talking about?? CHARLES Just what she said, Jamie. She’s not ready yet. It’s her decision. JAMIE Thank you Michael Landon. SARAH I don’t see why you can’t wait until school begins to meet people. JAMIE Mom! (ELLEN ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN FOLLOWED BY WALTER) ELLEN Now, what’s going on? JAMIE Charles is rubbing off on her the wrong way! WALTER (TO CHARLES) Just what sort of problem have you caused, young man? CHARLES No problem. Everything’s under control. (TO JAMIE) Your sister is right. You don’t have to run to meet boys. Let them run to meet you. JAMIE You’re not the boss of me! You don’t work here anymore. SARAH Yes, he does! ELLEN/WALTER/JAMIE/ADAM/BUDDY What?? SARAH (TO CHARLES) Please. BUDDY Charles! The apartment! It’s ours if we want it! (CHARLES LOOKS AT SARAH. HE LOOKS AT BUDDY) CHARLES (TO BUDDY) I’m sorry. BUDDY I wouldn’t have expected anything less. ELLEN Dinner’s ready. Buddy, I’ll set a place for you. BUDDY Thank you, Mrs. Powell. And may I say it smells delicious. ADAM (MOVING TOWARD THE KITCHEN) Hey! What about Charles? ELLEN His place is already set. (ADAM AND ELLEN EXIT INTO THE KITCHEN) WALTER (BLUSTERS AT ELLEN) What do you mean his place is set!? (WALTER EXITS TO THE KITCHEN) WALTER (O.C) You mean you intend to employ this…this…. (A BEAT. WALTER RE-ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM AND ADDRESSES CHARLES) WALTER I suppose you know, this means war! CHARLES As long as it doesn’t get in the way of my homework. WALTER Ellen! (WALTER EXITS INTO THE KITCHEN. JAMIE MOVES TO FOLLOW HIM) JAMIE Too bad about today, Sarah. We might’ve met a couple of nice boys. (JAMIE EXITS INTO KITCHEN) SARAH (TO CHARLES AND BUDDY) We did, Jamie. (SARAH EXITS INTO KITCHEN) BUDDY (TO CHARLES) Ahhhh…I knew you’d do this. CHARLES I’ve got to save Sarah from Jamie. BUDDY Well, I guess dorm life isn’t so bad. CHARLES I’ve got to save Jamie from Jamie. (LOOKS AT BUDDY) Those girls at the pizza place sure put everything into perspective, huh? BUDDY Yeah. I sure would like to have seen more of them, though. CHARLES We will. BUDDY Huh? CHARLES I made us a date. Their apartment. Nine o’clock. BUDDY Charles! You’re my friend. Those girls are hot! CHARLES I can’t save everybody!FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO
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